Drama Queen... comin' through.

So, I've written about my extreme annoyance with whiners before.  Yes?  Yes.  Thus a new topic of discussion for my readers to giggle over.  I know you giggle, don't deny it.

There is a person in my social circle that creates so much personal drama, they make telenovellas seem boring and mundane.  I'm gonna give you the back story ...  their we were, eating sushi and having beer from Brazil.  I receive a kick in the knee as a man, who resembled that of a Greek statue from the Hellenistic era, walks by our table.  Drama Queen swiftly whispers across the table, "That's him!"  I say, "Who is 'him'?"  "The manager....," she sighs.  I'm about to gag on my sashimi at this point and ask (why do I do it?), "Have you talked to him?"  She responds, "No.  He's too perfect."  "Um, he's a human being... I seriously doubt he's perfect," I say sarcastically.  I get the look of death.

Fast forward 7 months.  So, here we are, in the wake of U.S.S. Manager.  Or more rightly, U.S.S. Drama Queen.  To sum up what happened.  She spoke to him; they became friends; they communicated via text and phone; they never saw each other outside of the restaurant; he starts dating a girl; DQ went to dinner at said restaurant and saw Manager & Chicky having dinner; DQ feels betrayed.  Ok.  I understand some of DQ's problem.  But... BUT, she set herself up for a let down because A) He never asked her out; B) They were JUST friends; C) They never went on a date in all this time, hell, they never saw each other outside of the restaurant.  (I'm reiterating to make a point.)

I'm just curious... didn't DQ ever see "He's Just Not That Into You?"  I don't care what gender you are... what your situation is... this movie applies to most everyone.  People seriously read too much into things, especially where "relationships" are concerned. 

As a cranky man, I don't want some needy chick calling me or, basically, stalking me.  It's not cute, endearing, or whatever.  Men are simple. If they like you, they will say so. There is no secret code, hand signals or "Where's Waldo" for our feelings. 

My point... Don't be a douche, it scares people.  Be yourself, most people like that better.  Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is not a requirement in life... it only seems that way.  If people ask you about it, you should say, "Why do you care?"  Seriously, if someone is asking about your love life, apparently they don't have one that is fulfilling enough.  Tell them to go home and seduce their boyfriend/husband with a strip tease and some porn--- they will most definitely be fulfilled then.

Crazy people are abundant.  Try your best to not be one of them.

Clutter Equals Chaos

I can be high-strung at times.  I'm sure this revelation is shocking to my dear readers.  Recently I realized that I become more stressed and unfriendly when I come home.  I've been pondering this annoying dilemma for months trying to put my finger on the pulse of my stressor.  It finally hit me like an ACME anvil, clobbering the dunce-like Wile E. Coyote ... it's the contents of my house.

Yes, boys and girls, my house is cluttered.  I have more books than the public library, more magazines than any sane person should ever have.... and just tons of "stuff" I've collected throughout my life and travels.  So, what's a puppet to do?

I tried tackling the project head on.  Yeah, that was brilliant and very unsuccessful.  I simply ended up rearranging my clutter.  So, I turned to the one source that modern man can't seem to live without--- the Internet.  

I found chipper, bleach-sniffing, OCD freaks.  Did you know there is a website called Unclutter.com?  You do now.  This chick is apparently June Cleaver reincarnated and has sold millions of books (worldwide-- they made sure to mention that because those folks who live in huts & yurts need to get their shit together!)  Her secrets to a happy life are locked away in these books she's hawkin'.  The titles read like the self-help section of Barnes & Noble: 

A to Z Storage Solutions (2008), The One-Minute Cleaner (2007), Unclutter Your Mind (2006), Cleaning Plain & Simple (2006), The One-Minute Organizer (2004), Organizing Plain & Simple (2002), 7 Simple Steps to Unclutter Your Life (2000) and Unclutter Your Home (1999)

As I seriously contemplated buying a book (to put into the pile of books I need/want to read).  Then it dawned on me... this is America!  What happened to freedom of information?  Why isn't the miracle I'm looking for free and posted on the web?  Guess what?  It is.  

I had forgotten that I had signed up to get "tips to organize" my life about 2-3 years ago on Yahoo! Groups.  I eventually turned the e-mails off because I didn't have time to read through them all let alone use the information being poured into my Inbox daily.  The group name is called "The FlyLady".  She may fall into the "chipper" category but OCD, bleach-sniffing or freak... she is not.  

Let me tell you why she is different.  First off, she reminds you that your mess wasn't made in a day and you dang sure won't be able to clean it up in a day.  (I like this so far)  Then she tells you to start by "shining your sink"-- sounds weird doesn't it?  She explains that walking into a kitchen that's sink is clean and shiny will make you feel better.  Me, being the ever cantankerous cranky pants I am, scoffed at this idea.  But, to make fun of something properly you have to attempt it and prove it's a crock of crap.  Well, Ole Franky-boy has been humbled.  It works.  The shiny sink brought a smirk to my gloomy face.  

So, I felt I was on a roll.  I started to follow the next step in the FlyLady's "getting started" section on her website.  Not only does this women encourage taking breaks often, she says you should only be spending 15-minutes per day picking up clutter.  This is the first time Mr. Grumpy-pants has not felt like hauling the entire contents of the house to the curb.

So, my house is slowly becoming a place the dog would like to live in.  Maybe when I've completed this project, I won't be so annoyed all the time.  Doubtful, but the world can dream.  Until then, I'll leave you with The FlyLady's 11 Commandments: 

1. Keep your sink clean and shiny.
   
   
2. Get dressed every morning, even if you don’t feel like it. Don’t forget your lace-up shoes.
   
   
3. Do your morning and before bedtime routine everyday.
   
   
4. Don’t allow yourself to be sidetracked by the computer.
   
   
5. Pick up after yourself. If you get it out, put it away.
   
   
6. Don’t try to do two projects at once. ONE JOB AT A TIME.
   
   
7. Don’t pull out more than you can put back in one hour.
   
   
8. Do something for yourself everyday, maybe every morning and night.
   
   
9. Work as fast as you can to get the job done. This will give you more time to play later.
   
   
10. Smile even when you don’t feel like it. It is contagious. Make your mind up to be happy and you will be.
    
    
11. Don’t forget to laugh everyday. Pamper yourself, you deserve it. 

I have to give my 2-cents on #10.... as long as there are morons, I will smile... and laugh (#11).