Unequal Rights?

"I'll pay you, if you promise not to reproduce."  Sounds like a funny one-liner.  I hear things like this all the time especially in reference to people who are deemed "less" than the average.  The unfortunate truth... most people aren't kidding.  But, they don't associate their ideas with that of say... Hitler.  He had the "bright" idea of eradicating an entire ethnic group. 

Which brings me to this: Project Prevention.  Oh yes folks.  I'm not kidding.  Barbara Harris, Executive Director of this organization believes babies born to these "types of people" will have zero success in life.  Although, she has adopted four "crack babies" and they are all perfectly normal, bright and productive members of society. 

So, do you know what the Eugenics Movement was?  It's the notion that hereditary improvement of the human race can be controlled selective breeding.  Hmmmm, doesn't that sound exactly like what she is doing? 

So, here are my thoughts: She's a whack job of epic proportions.  She's already paid 3000 folks to either be sterilized or to be on long-term birth control-- only 29 of those are men.  She targets alcoholics and drug addicts-- not thinking, maybe they should be helped with their illness instead of being stripped of their right to produce.

The bottom line: who is to say that drug addicts and alcoholics are the worst members of society?  If you want to use the argument that Barbara uses-- saving taxpayers millions-- then spread the sterilization love over to welfare recipients.  Seriously guys!!!  This is a line no one should walk.  Saying one person is more fit than another... well, no one is perfect.  And no one is really qualified to make such assessments. 

Now, I'm really annoyed.

Airline Baggage Fees

I traveled abroad this past Summer.  My destination will remain a secret but, the length of stay was 5 weeks.  (Sounds like rehab, huh?)  I had no idea what my living conditions would be like.  Would I be able to shower?  Would I be able to wash my clothes?  Will the weather be spastic?  So, I had to pack accordingly.  I went to the airline's sight to find out the baggage limits and couldn't believe what I learned!

American Airlines: You have to pay for any checked bags, if flying within the US (including Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands & Canada).  If flying internationally, you may check one bag weighing no more than 50lb/23kg.  If it weighs more (up to 70lb) it costs $50 to check!!!

Delta: Pretty much the same except it gets very complicated.  They have a grid of times/dates/member or not rules that were boring to read.  In a nut shell, they are insanely expensive, like everyone else.

British Airways:  Same, except with a cool accent. And a smug way of saying lose the stuff in the bag or pay the Pounds.

On top of the insane fees for baggage-- which, by-the-way, resulted in the loss of a pair of shoes, pants, shampoo, hoodie, etc. because I didn't want to pay the fee on the way home from my trip--- is the liquid restrictions.  They don't go by the amount of liquid in the bottle, they go by what the label says.  I made it through two plane changes with said items and got to British Airways.... I had to toss a perfectly good bottle of liquor.  That made for a cranky Frank. 

So, there you go Wiwille.  The first on your list!  The new airline restrictions make me want to restrict my travels.  But, alas, Frank is not a homebody... so with these rules, up I must put. (in my best Yoda voice)

SteamRollin'

Have you ever met one of those people who's personality is equivalent to a steamroller?  Maybe I should explain what I mean.  I belong to a club, there is a person that is constantly wanting to be in charge, so they "steamroll" over everyone else's ideas, suggestions, etc.  Are you trackin' now?  I have zero problem with a person who knows what they want, or is a "take charge" kind of person.  But, when you're a bossy-the-cow and have no follow through... it's annoying.  All talk, no action. 

And here I thought I was chilling out with my old age and being less annoyed.  Apparently not.  I've decided that I'd like to find out what annoys my readers... so, if you have something you'd like my "take" on, feel free to send me a message.

Home Repairs

So, my oven decided to stop working the Saturday before last.  I didn't notify my landlord until Monday because I can be a nice guy and didn't want my 900 year old maintenance man to have to come out on Sunday.  (See, I can be a caring person!)  A little info on the oven... it's built into the wall.  It's also one of the smallest ovens I've ever owned.  You can barely put a small turkey in there at Thanksgiving.  This information is pertinent later in the story.

Tuesday comes and I get a call from said landlord and it goes something like this: 

L(andlord): "I came by and you were right, the oven isn't working."

F(rank): "Okay.  (Many, many sarcastic remarks running through my head) Can Gene (maintenance man) fix it?"

L: "Umm.  Well, we need to come back tomorrow to measure the area where the oven is. Oh and have a look at those loose shingles."

F: "Okay, cool.  Are you replacing the oven?"

L: "We'll take a measurement some time tomorrow."

Is it me or did it seem like that conversation was one sided?  Wednesday rolls around and I'm asleep in bed and a ladder being thrown against the side of my house scares the crap out of me.  I roust myself out of bed to find the maintenance man had been in my house.  I know this because there were dirty foot prints in my kitchen and dirt tracked in through the laundry room.  What the hell?  He didn't even bother to ring the doorbell, he just used to garage code to let himself in!!  Seriously!!  Thank God he's a 900 year old man with a touch of emphysema or I'd be freaking out a little bit.

That afternoon, lovely landlord calls me:

L: "So, we can't replace the oven.  They don't make them the size that fits in that space anymore.  So, Gene ordered a part and is going to try to fix it.  I don't want to have to remodel the kitchen just so you can have an oven."

F: "Understandable, since a remodel would be inconvenient.  When is the part coming in."

L: "About a week.  We will call you and let you know when it comes in and when Gene can install it."

F: "Okay.  Thanks."

Needless to say, it's been 12 days since I've had a working oven.  No calls, no updates, no apologies.  I'm getting increasingly frustrated and annoyed as the days tick by.  So, I'm going out to lunch to avoid eating another sandwich.  I miss my oven.  Annoying.

Vacation

So, Frank took a much needed vacation from the Internet and all those that annoyed the crap out of him on Facebook.  But... he's back with a vengeance!

Here you have it ladies and gentlemen.  I'm back in the real world for less than two weeks and I'm already wanting to run for the hills.  I swear, there was a very organized plot to piss me off when I returned.  I don't want to whine like the guy in those Geico commercials.  God, I admire R. Lee Ermey.  In fact, he's my hero.





This is how I feel about most people, in general.  I think if everyone said how they REALLY feel, the world would be a much happier place.  So, Maggots... be honest and stop talking about people behind their backs.  Grow some balls, you morons.

Trash

 Why is it that most humans will let a relationship die, but won't get rid of the junk in their garage?

I think I may have an answer.  It takes too much effort to either (a) save the relationship or (b) sort through the junk.  Essentially, it's these things are the same.  We never want to admit when something is good OR bad for ourselves.  We walk through life with rose-colored blinders on and pretend to frolic through the daisies.

I, for one, am tired of these mindless idiots that don't mind hoarding 10 years worth of newspapers but have no problem letting a person walk right out of their life.  I'm beginning to blame it on social networking.  In the past I've been a huge advocate for technology and how it can bring former friends, who would have otherwise faded into oblivion, back into a person's life.  What I am discovering is that, unfortunately, people are giving up the live, flesh-and-blood people in their lives, for the "virtual" friendships of the past.  It's cool to connect with those from high school (for some of us, others wish they could wash the memory from existence).  But, there is a point where there is nothing left to talk about.  The whole relationship is in the past.  I'm not sure about you folks, but I've always been taught that living in the past is bad... because it prevents us from moving forward.  

So... my little piece of advise for you guys today: make sure to discard the proper things in life... old cereal boxes, soda cans (recycled of course), that t-shirt with 40 holes in it, toxic friends, animals with the plague.  You get my drift.

Don't worry, I'm not going soft on you guys... this crap really does annoy the Hell out of me.

The Three Stooges

Some people need to avoid populating the gene pool. Tonight was a keen example of that fact.  There were three gentlemen (I use this term loosely) at my local watering hole.  Larry, Moe & Curly range in age: roughly 27, 40 and 65 respectively.  Well, the eldest man, "Curly" is a widower with an endless amount of cash and penchant for younger men with serious misogynistic tendencies.  "Moe" is the middle-aged man whose story is a little fuzzy.  And "Larry", well, he is the youngest of the trio and also the loudest-- or annoying, whichever word you choose will work just fine.

So, apparently today was "420" day.  A celebration of marijuana... well the trio must have celebrated A LOT.  They were bleary-eyed and stupid. They were concentrating the stupid with a side of beer to create a mess known as "morons that walk upright".  They were hooting and hollering at everything with tits.  

Look, I'm all about having a good time but this was ridiculous.  I imagine the display I witnessed was something akin to cave men who were bored on a Friday night with no animals to kill.  Seriously... high, drunken, moronic displays of manhood are not something in which one should aspire.  

Annoying.

Drama Queen... comin' through.

So, I've written about my extreme annoyance with whiners before.  Yes?  Yes.  Thus a new topic of discussion for my readers to giggle over.  I know you giggle, don't deny it.

There is a person in my social circle that creates so much personal drama, they make telenovellas seem boring and mundane.  I'm gonna give you the back story ...  their we were, eating sushi and having beer from Brazil.  I receive a kick in the knee as a man, who resembled that of a Greek statue from the Hellenistic era, walks by our table.  Drama Queen swiftly whispers across the table, "That's him!"  I say, "Who is 'him'?"  "The manager....," she sighs.  I'm about to gag on my sashimi at this point and ask (why do I do it?), "Have you talked to him?"  She responds, "No.  He's too perfect."  "Um, he's a human being... I seriously doubt he's perfect," I say sarcastically.  I get the look of death.

Fast forward 7 months.  So, here we are, in the wake of U.S.S. Manager.  Or more rightly, U.S.S. Drama Queen.  To sum up what happened.  She spoke to him; they became friends; they communicated via text and phone; they never saw each other outside of the restaurant; he starts dating a girl; DQ went to dinner at said restaurant and saw Manager & Chicky having dinner; DQ feels betrayed.  Ok.  I understand some of DQ's problem.  But... BUT, she set herself up for a let down because A) He never asked her out; B) They were JUST friends; C) They never went on a date in all this time, hell, they never saw each other outside of the restaurant.  (I'm reiterating to make a point.)

I'm just curious... didn't DQ ever see "He's Just Not That Into You?"  I don't care what gender you are... what your situation is... this movie applies to most everyone.  People seriously read too much into things, especially where "relationships" are concerned. 

As a cranky man, I don't want some needy chick calling me or, basically, stalking me.  It's not cute, endearing, or whatever.  Men are simple. If they like you, they will say so. There is no secret code, hand signals or "Where's Waldo" for our feelings. 

My point... Don't be a douche, it scares people.  Be yourself, most people like that better.  Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is not a requirement in life... it only seems that way.  If people ask you about it, you should say, "Why do you care?"  Seriously, if someone is asking about your love life, apparently they don't have one that is fulfilling enough.  Tell them to go home and seduce their boyfriend/husband with a strip tease and some porn--- they will most definitely be fulfilled then.

Crazy people are abundant.  Try your best to not be one of them.

Clutter Equals Chaos

I can be high-strung at times.  I'm sure this revelation is shocking to my dear readers.  Recently I realized that I become more stressed and unfriendly when I come home.  I've been pondering this annoying dilemma for months trying to put my finger on the pulse of my stressor.  It finally hit me like an ACME anvil, clobbering the dunce-like Wile E. Coyote ... it's the contents of my house.

Yes, boys and girls, my house is cluttered.  I have more books than the public library, more magazines than any sane person should ever have.... and just tons of "stuff" I've collected throughout my life and travels.  So, what's a puppet to do?

I tried tackling the project head on.  Yeah, that was brilliant and very unsuccessful.  I simply ended up rearranging my clutter.  So, I turned to the one source that modern man can't seem to live without--- the Internet.  

I found chipper, bleach-sniffing, OCD freaks.  Did you know there is a website called Unclutter.com?  You do now.  This chick is apparently June Cleaver reincarnated and has sold millions of books (worldwide-- they made sure to mention that because those folks who live in huts & yurts need to get their shit together!)  Her secrets to a happy life are locked away in these books she's hawkin'.  The titles read like the self-help section of Barnes & Noble: 

A to Z Storage Solutions (2008), The One-Minute Cleaner (2007), Unclutter Your Mind (2006), Cleaning Plain & Simple (2006), The One-Minute Organizer (2004), Organizing Plain & Simple (2002), 7 Simple Steps to Unclutter Your Life (2000) and Unclutter Your Home (1999)

As I seriously contemplated buying a book (to put into the pile of books I need/want to read).  Then it dawned on me... this is America!  What happened to freedom of information?  Why isn't the miracle I'm looking for free and posted on the web?  Guess what?  It is.  

I had forgotten that I had signed up to get "tips to organize" my life about 2-3 years ago on Yahoo! Groups.  I eventually turned the e-mails off because I didn't have time to read through them all let alone use the information being poured into my Inbox daily.  The group name is called "The FlyLady".  She may fall into the "chipper" category but OCD, bleach-sniffing or freak... she is not.  

Let me tell you why she is different.  First off, she reminds you that your mess wasn't made in a day and you dang sure won't be able to clean it up in a day.  (I like this so far)  Then she tells you to start by "shining your sink"-- sounds weird doesn't it?  She explains that walking into a kitchen that's sink is clean and shiny will make you feel better.  Me, being the ever cantankerous cranky pants I am, scoffed at this idea.  But, to make fun of something properly you have to attempt it and prove it's a crock of crap.  Well, Ole Franky-boy has been humbled.  It works.  The shiny sink brought a smirk to my gloomy face.  

So, I felt I was on a roll.  I started to follow the next step in the FlyLady's "getting started" section on her website.  Not only does this women encourage taking breaks often, she says you should only be spending 15-minutes per day picking up clutter.  This is the first time Mr. Grumpy-pants has not felt like hauling the entire contents of the house to the curb.

So, my house is slowly becoming a place the dog would like to live in.  Maybe when I've completed this project, I won't be so annoyed all the time.  Doubtful, but the world can dream.  Until then, I'll leave you with The FlyLady's 11 Commandments: 

1. Keep your sink clean and shiny.
   
   
2. Get dressed every morning, even if you don’t feel like it. Don’t forget your lace-up shoes.
   
   
3. Do your morning and before bedtime routine everyday.
   
   
4. Don’t allow yourself to be sidetracked by the computer.
   
   
5. Pick up after yourself. If you get it out, put it away.
   
   
6. Don’t try to do two projects at once. ONE JOB AT A TIME.
   
   
7. Don’t pull out more than you can put back in one hour.
   
   
8. Do something for yourself everyday, maybe every morning and night.
   
   
9. Work as fast as you can to get the job done. This will give you more time to play later.
   
   
10. Smile even when you don’t feel like it. It is contagious. Make your mind up to be happy and you will be.
    
    
11. Don’t forget to laugh everyday. Pamper yourself, you deserve it. 

I have to give my 2-cents on #10.... as long as there are morons, I will smile... and laugh (#11).

Don't delay, neuter today!

I'm late posting this but... I have a reason and I'll explain it in a minute.  The topic of my rant today is:

Spay Day USA-No More Homeless Pets!
Tuesday, February 23rd 2010

Spay Day is an annual campaign of The Humane Society of the United States and 
Humane Society International to inspire people to save animals through spay/neuter.

Did you know that one female cat (and her offspring) can produce 420,000 offspring in just 7 years??  Yep, that's right folks-- 420,000!!!!  Dogs & their offspring can produce 67,000 puppies.  Holy moly, that's a lot of kibble!   Before you question my statistics, let's go into a little lesson about the kitty & puppy version of the "birds & the bees".  One cat/dog can have an average of 5 babies/litter... within 6 months, those "babies" are capable of reproducing.  Do you see where this is going??  Uh-huh,  yep, that's why there are all those vans parked at Wal-Mart on weekends, hawkin' puppies and kitties.  


So... what happens to all those puppies & kitties that don't make it to a loving home?  Well I'm here to tell ya:

-For every person born, 15 dogs (17-million/year) and 45 cats (30-million/year) are born.

-Of the above numbers-- 20-million will end up in shelters and 15-million will be euthanized.

-As many as 25% of dogs entering shelters each year are purebreds.

-Approximately 61% of all dogs are killed in animal shelters.

-Approximately 75% of all cats entering shelters are killed.

-It costs approximately $100 to capture, house, feed, and eventually kill each stray animal -- a cost which you, the taxpayer, eventually pay.

So, if you think it's unimportant to neuter your animals.... think again!  Have you ever seen a starving animal??   It isn't pretty.  Those lovey, cuddly balls of fur become feral and their inner instincts take over.  They hunt, prowl and become aggressive.  They get diseases that spread to domesticated animals and sometimes to people.  They become a nuisance to society by getting into trash or killing livestock (like chickens, etc.).  All this in turn can cost you more money than would have been spent if you'd just paid to have them neutered!

So... I'm sure you are wondering about my point for being late with this post.  Well, wait no further.  

I'm exactly 4 days late with this post.  There are 24 hours/day * 60 minutes/hour * 60 seconds/minute * 4 days= 345,600 seconds.  Statistically speaking, a baby is born every 5 seconds.  So that means there were 69,120 babies born since Tuesday.  If you take my previous information and apply it to this data.... there have been 1,036,800 dogs AND 3,110,400 cats born since Spay Day.  Roughly 58% of those animals will end up in shelters.  

I'm not okay with those numbers and you shouldn't be either!  So, get off your asses and neuter your animals.  Try skipping your morning latte a couple days a week and put those funds towards your community's animal shelter's spay & release program.  If they don't have one... maybe you should peel yourself away from Facebook and start one (this a great link from the ASPCA about forming your own shelter)!  

Deserving?

An interesting thing was said to me last Saturday night.  "The Saints deserve to win the Super Bowl."  My response was, "hmmph, why?"  "They just do," was the super logical response.  I wanted to say, "Why?  Because their city got hit with a hurricane a few years ago and it will make them feel better?"  Seriously???  So when Haiti rebuilds the island, are they gonna deserve to win the Olympics or the Miss Universe Pageant?  Ummm, I don't think that will fly with the other countries competing. 

This leads me to discuss the word "deserve".  So, of course I had to consult my handy-dandy dictionary to review the "proper" definition of the word.  Well... the real definition just seems different than the context applied by some people in modern day vernacular. 

Most people seem to use the word "deserve" in a manner that does not mesh with the "real" definition.  It used to mean that when you worked hard, you rated a reward.  Now, it seems that people are lazy and feel they deserve said reward without ever lifting a finger or exerting themselves in any way.  

This train of thinking leads my mind to the words written within the Declaration of Independence:

"we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

I'm not sure how you guys interpret it, but nowhere in that eloquent piece of writing does it say DESERVE.   It says, you have have a right to pursue-- which basically means, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND WORK for things. 

Yep, I'm annoyed at the mindset of the modern man... 

Storms, Stress & Sprains

The week from Hell has occurred and I'm currently annoyed with the entire human race & Mother Nature... To sum it up: work overload, snow storm, illness, fell on ice and hurt myself (yeah, yeah, Karma is a biotch) and finally I assembled the bunk bed from a place worse than Hell.

Needless to say, blogging is an annoyance at the moment so, I will continue in a few days with a new round of sassy comments and witty insights.  Until then, I'm going to curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb like a big ole baby.  I'll make sure to wash my hands when I'm done.
 

Privacy Please

Sometime in December, Facebook creator Mark Zuckerburg decided that his over 350 million users didn't need their privacy.  The default setting for a Facebook profile was set to "everyone".  Which meant that everyone on God's green Earth could see whatever you had posted on your profile.  

It took a little time for users to realize that everything we did on FB was now viewable by ALL our friends and the friends of those friends.  Every "like", "add", "comment" and what-have-you, now shows up in the "News Feed".  Ridiculous.  

I tend to be one of the more private people in the world... hence my anonymity on this blog.  I was LIVID when I found out that it was as easy as "click" for anyone on my "friend's list" to see what I had written on a non-mutual friend's wall.  This article explains it better than I can and makes me happy to know that I'm not alone in my dismay.  To my surprise and delight there is also an official petition to change the settings back-- brought to you by the ACLU!  If that's not enough, you can join the FB Group called "Bring back News Feed and Wall privacy settings"

I'm not sure about you all... but I find that the entire situation is bull crap and I'm seriously pissed off by "Zuck's" lack of consideration for what the masses seem to want.  Seriously... why would I want to share pictures of my family, pets or last drunken party with the world?  There may be a ton of exhibitionists out there but I find that they are limited in number and that regular folks like your's truly just want to be left alone.

"Daddy says I'm the Best"

Do you have that one friend who never stops talking?  I don't mean a "Chatty Cathy" ... I'm talking about the friend who is CONSTANTLY talking about how "great" they are?  Yep, that one.  

Good Lordy... today it was, "Everyone in the world loves me and wants me to be their love monkey; performing circus sex daily." Yes, I'm exaggerating but you get my point.  I sat and listened to that sort of nonsense for 1 hour and 47 minutes this evening!  Argh!  I This has become a daily occurrence and I can't seem to find the "off" switch!


I realize those readers who are in the mental health field are saying, "They are just insecure and speaking this way to validate their own existence."  I'm trackin'... but, it doesn't make it any less annoying.  After about 25 minutes, I start feeling like regardless of what I say, they've done it better, faster, longer and with more gusto than I ever could.  I was like-- I'm talkin' to Captain Freakin' America, I better show some respect!  

~~My sarcasm, it never sleeps.~~

So, to all of you who have a friend like that.  I find it best to just let them talk.  All you're gonna do, if you point it out, is crush whatever fragment of ego (if any) they still have.  Although, you could do what I'm doing... and that is slowly weening them off the friendship-- which is a bummer because they really are good people, sort of.

Ignorance

I'm tired of the misinformed masses that suck up the precious air we breathe.  

The tragedy in Haiti is just that ... tragic.  Mother Nature can be a vengeful mistress and Haiti has been her target multiple times in the last two years.  

Here is a little fact file on Haiti, compiled by the CIA.  I recommend that everyone read up.


I was discussing the plight of the people in this extremely impoverished country and their response was, "Why in the hell are we scampering to send money to those people?"  I said, "Seriously?  You really don't know?" They responded that "we" (Americans, I'm assuming) need to stop sending money to other countries and help ourselves-- "they put themselves in their current position".  Wow.  My response must of sounded harsh (like I care).  But, I said, "Wow, are you always this ignorant?"  There was a long pause... rightly so.

I continued... those people didn't ask to be poor.  That country, like so many others in the Caribbean were manipulated and abused by the IMF.  Entering into aid contracts for a short period of time, only to have the IMF/World Bank change the rules mid-flow. (This was a result of foreign folks going into the country and stripping it of timber [1950
s] thereby causing soil erosion and leaving the farmers in a pickle.)  The people of those countries are no longer allowed to sell their own goods in their country.  They are required to export food... all the while importing the food they consume.  This system makes zero sense.  If you don't believe me... you should watch "Life and Debt".  Amazingly insightful.  You should also read the book "A Small Place" by Jamaica Kincaid.  It will make you think twice about being a "tourist" and how the presence of foreigners can affect a small nation.  

I'm digressing from my original train of thought, which goes something like this... Be careful about blanket statements-- you know the old adage, "Think before you speak"?  It should be re-worded, "Read and learn before you speak".  Just sayin'... cause those of us who are informed are annoyed by those who aren't. 

I'm melting....

We were frozen, now we're thawing.  I don't think global warming is the problem.  I think Mother Nature has gone trendy and developed "bi-polar disorder".  One week ago today, the windchill here in the Midwest was -20.  Today, the weather was a sweltering 55.  What is up?  

The melting snow creates a nasty, gray, icky mess.  But wait, there's more... in one week we will be frozen again.  And, you guessed it!  All this melting snow will become ice that is slicker that greased snot!  I'm not sure when you drove in the Midwest last... but let me tell you.  Every time they drive, it's like the first time.   

So... melting snow, erratic temperatures... these things annoy me.  Just thought I'd share. 

Serendipity

No one can be annoyed everyday, unless they are Oscar the Grouch.  So, I've decided to write about something I'm stoked about, at least once per week.  Hey, I'm not all cranky, all the time.

Aside from being pleasantly surprised that there is a Wikipedia-type website devoted completely to the Muppets (awesome on so many levels).  I found a $20 error in my checkbook register-- in my favor.  Yep, that's right, the beer is on my tab tonight!

Although I write about the most annoying things in life, I'm still amazed at how little things can still make me happy.  My words of wisdom for this weeks end... 

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."~ Woody Allen.

"I know how you feel."

That phrase is supposed to invoke the feeling of not being alone in the world-- cue the sappy picture of cute cherubic children holding hands, walking amongst a field of spring flowers .  But, honestly, it does just the opposite for me.  

Empathy is not really something I understand.  The reason is: I will NEVER be able to get inside someone's head and know exactly what they are feeling.  I may have an idea but, I will NEVER know exactly how someone feels.  And I seriously doubt any of you will either.  Experiences all bring us to different conclusions in life.  


In Africa there is an idea of singularity.  Before you jump to the conclusion that you know what I'm talking about, let me explain.  They believe that each person borne unto this world is  irreplaceable, unique and one-of-a-kind.  We, here in the good ol' U.S. of A., have what is called individualism.  Yep, there's a big ole difference.  An "individual" represents a specific group of people.  Basically a sheep representing the herd.  Lemmings.



Unfortunately, I don't believe that's the case at all.  I think we are all singular and have been brainwashed to believe that we are replaceable.  Honestly, that's crap.  This mindset has led us to the overuse of the phrase "I know how you feel".  Because we have, since birth, been led to believe as such.  When it's really not the case.  


So... stop using that phrase, get with the program and realize you are unique... no one can read your mind (except maybe Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends) and no one can replace you.  Sheep-like mentality is annoying.

Your Politics are Lodged in My Tonsils

So there I was...  Minding my own business, savoring every drop of my Guinness.  When out of nowhere, it happened ... the only sober guy in the place starts talkin' politics.  Damn, dude... you just killed the Bambi in my happy place.  The bartender surveys the annoyed looks and tries to change the subject-- She tried in vain.  Before we all knew it, there was a one-sided discussion on the parallels between religion and politics and how they are both evil entities that must be stopped.  

All the smart people moved to other areas of the bar.  I'm apparently not too bright--  I'm still not sure why I felt inclined to sit there and not follow the herd.  Looking back I believe I was paralyzed because my glass of liquid love was nearly empty and I was wanting a refill.  Nothing will get between me and my Guinness, not even a guy with a subscription to The Washington Examiner and a copy of Common Sense and The Bible in his back pockets.


Then something even worse happened.  I'm not sure why it happened or from whence it came, but I felt inclined to say, "I don't agree with you."  (Pause for effect, maintain eye contact)  Oh boy, that opened the gates and released the Kracken.  I felt like Acrisius of Argos ... I was about to be squished by a giant marble pillar, while being rolled around in tsunami-like waves.


I let the verbal lashing go on for 7 minutes and 42 seconds, as I finished my second beer.  And like a lightning bolt it hit me, I looked up and said, "I've gotta pee."  Genius.  No one can argue with bodily functions!  By the time I came back from the bathroom, the person had left and all was right with the world.  Unfortunately, it was getting late and drinking/driving don't mix so, I had a glass of water and chatted with my bar family-- completely avoiding the topic of what had just happened and how they abandoned me--traitors, see if I share my chocolate bars and nylons with you.   


So, the moral of the story boys & girls.  Don't taunt the crazies!  You will surely be annoyed or eaten by a mythical titan of unfathomable proportions.

Pagan... no, Catholic... no, Jewish

I guess my annoyances as of late have to do with religion.  Well, they aren't really with the religions themselves-- to each his own.  It's more with the folks that can't make up their mind as to what religion they are, if any at all.  
 
My example-- a person I know who considered themselves Pagan, with spots of Christianity when we met.  That's fine and dandy.  But now, they are hard core Episcopalian because of a potential mate.  Lovely.  This transition happened after one visit to said Episcopal church... maybe it's because the sex was so good they thought they saw God.  Who knows.  Did I mention that they've also classified themselves as atheist, agnostic, Methodist and a practitioner of Druidism?  I must have left that little tidbit out... now you see my issue, hmm?


Freedom of religion is a great thing!  I'm all about it.  But, I draw the line at switching your preference back and forth like a dog who is overwhelmed by smells.  It has to be a decision based on self discovery, research and serious personal commitment.  

So quit being a spastic nerfbag, because you religious jumping beans are ticking me off.

Bandwagon riders

I created this blog as a means to vent my frustrations with situations and people I encounter.  My first topic (and these will be presented in no particular order of annoyance) are people who "hop onto bandwagons".  You know who I'm talking about.  Those people who see/hear about a fad and automatically-- with cat-like reflexes-- are first in line to partake. "Hey, I saw Joe Celebrity got his butt hair waxed... let's go make an appointment today.  That sounds fun!"

I remember as a child hearing about "Moonies".  I didn't really understand what/who they were, although, I knew they were some sort of religious followers.  Well, I'm not going into detail on who/what they are-- because you can read about them here.  But, this is an example of what I'm talking about.  

Cult followers and people who only do things because someone else said it was a good idea.  They annoy me.